I have grown up with so many fears: the fear of not being good enough, not being attractive, not being appreciated, my life lacking a sensible direction, and the fear to overcome my insecurities. When you’re growing up as a man in a fast paced society, you are expected to feed stereotypical expectations. It’s like society takes the form of nature to force you to become this thing you do not know how to become. We have lost many men in that struggle.
The system fixes us into a box so suffocating that we become used to not getting enough air, that when people show us so much care, we repel; when things seem to be going so right, we run, for nothing, from nothing.
Should dreams of living beautiful lives remain in our minds? Certainly not. I do believe that vulnerability opens me up to meeting wisdoms and worlds I never could had I kept running; and to accept that I will hurt a couple of times, really, has prepared me for the scariest of fires I have had to come across. I had to teach myself how to stay, how to breathe in so hard when hard times stare at me with ugly eyes, to bring my mind to total serenity, or sanity, if I can. And that meant giving myself to things I believed in. It meant opening up myself to meeting my heart’s needs through thick and thin, without the fear of being misunderstood even if I will in some instances.
I have learned that if we have no ground to stand on, we will keep flying and landing on other people’s, never finding a home for ourselves, roaming throughout the world with our broken pieces of soul, and die miserable. But our narratives don’t have to be sad. They can be triumphant. They can be liberating, if only we learn to be strong for ourselves and the people we love. This is what defines happiness and tranquility; beauty of all beauties.