Dad and I had a long talk last week. Not that he gave my brother and I a chance to air our views and feelings, but we were there anyway. He talked so much about where we are from as a family, the struggles he’s been through to raise us up, and the trouble he has undergone to make me be who I am today. I won’t lie, I fear my dad more than I love him. Maybe in his mind he brought us up the best way he could. He said he has never made a mistake. That was really hard to take. Really hard. How can a man say he has never made any mistake?
He was a little tipsy, the only time he gets to talk of things straight from the heart. I take that as cowardise because I don’t know what you want me to get when you can only be open to me when you are drunk. Anyway, I figured out perhaps I’ll have to look for a way to accept him just as he is. Hasn’t mum done that for the last two decades? It’s gonna be hard for me but I’ll try.
As we ushered in 2012, I talked to myself. I need to change so many things in my life. I need to figure out a way which I could be close to dad. I don’t know how that will work out but it’s worth a try. I just have a problem with his ego, but I’ll give it a shot nevertheless. Am growing old and after all, I won’t live with him forever. The only thing I hope is that he doesn’t get violent towards mum, because that is the way he has been when he cannot contain his anger. That’s why I dread being too angry. It makes people stupid.
Am trying to leave the past behind, and not talk about it again. It’s a tall order, but sometimes in life you just have to swallow your pride to get what you want. It never hurts anyone.